What Niou is Capable of
by cathyfang1533
Summary: From busting out of detention to getting Yagyuu to join the Tennis Team to winning beauty pageants, Niou Mashaharu is one interesting character. Join us as we pay tribute to Niou's many antics and plans as well as the stories that results.
1. Chapter 1

**Niou is capable of getting Yagyuu to join the Tennis Team.**

* * *

**Second Year**

* * *

Yagyuu Hiroshi breathed in the smell of freshly mowed grass mixed with the morning dew. He set his golf bag down and began his warm-up stretches; first his arms, then legs, and finally his torso. Halfway through his lunges he spotted a mess of silver hair near the driving range. Yagyuu frowned as he inspected the newcomer; he had been here three times a week for the past month, always at the same time as Yagyuu. Shaking off his uneasiness, Yagyuu grabbed his trusty 6-iron and placed a ball on a grassy spot. _Knees bent, back straight, loose elbows, head down, feet apart, wind with the torso, and follow through! _The ball flew through the air at an incredible speed and landed neatly near the 200 yard flag marker.

"That was a good shot." The stranger complimented from afar.

"Thank you!" Yagyuu yelled back out of politeness. The strange silver-haired boy smiled and watched as Yagyuu continued to hit the same marker over and over again until his basket was devoid of balls.

"You're consistent, I like it!" Yagyuu looked over and was met with a grin so large that it scrunched up the rest of the boy's handsome face.

"Can I help you with something?" The boy's wide smile turned into a small crooked smirk as he thought: _hook, line, and sinker._

"We can really use someone like you on the Tennis Team."

"I am already on the Golf Team." Yagyuu's uninterested response caused the boy's eyes to gain a mischievous glint.

"But what if you were no longer on the Golf Team?" Yagyuu frowned at the question, he never really consider what he would do without golf. It would be foolish not to have a back-up plan, but there was something about this boy that made Yagyuu want to run twenty miles in the opposite direction of where ever the hell the boy was. Yagyuu chose his words carefully for the question made him uneasy.

"I might consider it if I were no longer a part of the Golf Team. _But_ most likely, I will pick up some other sport instead." With that said, Yagyuu gathered up his basket and equipment before leaving the driving range.

The stranger's smirk widened as he stared at Yagyuu's retreating figure. "You might consider it huh? Yagyuu Hiroshi…puri~"

* * *

The Principal paced around his office, genuinely confused about the situation that faced him. The surprisingly young Principal had already accumulated a respectable amount of wrinkles on his face, courtesy of one silver headed teen. He ran his hand through his already thinning hair and scowled when he felt that more hair had fallen off. By this rate, he was going to be bald before his 35th birthday. _Well I'm never getting laid_ _again_, he thought as he found his way back to his old fashion leather arm chair. He sat down heavily and pulled a manila folder towards him. Adjusting his thick glasses and leaning back against his chair, he began to re-read the file.

_Earlier this week, several students have reported seeing a figure entering and exiting the Golf Club House after hours. The figure was described as a tall, slender teen wearing glasses and our school's senior uniform. Several golf bags have been found vandalized and many students suspect a Mister Yagyuu Hiroshi as the perpetrator. The bags were painted green and decorated with various characters from a popular American show called My Little Pony. The Golf Coach has requested that Mister Yagyuu be subsequently removed from the Golf Team._

The Principal flipped the page and was met with pictures of golf bags decorated with tasteful drawings of Fluttershy, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash…uh not that he would know. It's not like he watches the show regularly, and is part of a My Little Pony Guild that reenacts the episodes by dressing up like giant horses with rainbows and butterflies painted on their asses…

"Sir, are you okay?" His secretary's voice crackled forth from the intercom.

"I'm perfectly fine, why do you ask?" The Principal mopped his forehead nervously and licked his lips. _If anyone finds out I'm a Brony, I'll never be respected by my colleagues…or get laid._

"Well you were hyperventilating into the intercom; I was worried you were having an asthma attack, sir."

"I'm fine. I was just uh stretching and I must have accidentally hit the intercom…during my stretching…with one of my many appendages." The Principal finished lamely.

"Oh okay then." A prolonged silence fell over the two.

"Um well I have a Mister Yagyuu here to see you, should I uh-"

"Yes! Please, send him in!" The Principal interrupted, relieved at the opportunity to finally end the awkward conversation. His office door creaked open slowly, revealing a tall, purple-haired, and exceptionally groomed senior.

"Yagyuu, please sit." Unsurprisingly, Yagyuu obeyed the Principal's request and sat down on the edge of a plastic chair.

"Do you know why I have called you here today?" And thus began the interrogation process.

* * *

**20 Minutes Later **

* * *

"It was a pleasure talking to you, sir." Yagyuu said with a respectful bow before he gracefully exited the small office, leaving behind a pale, shaking Principal in his wake. The poor guy was muttering gibberish for the rest of the day, and jumped if anyone mentioned the word loaf.

Once safely locked in the third floor's boy's bathroom, Niou carefully removed his disguise and flushed it down the toilet. He splashed some cold water onto his face, taking care to remove all of the makeup. Next came the uniform; Niou had perfected his lazy look to the point of perfection. The shirt had to be half untucked; the tie loosened slightly and flung over his shoulder like a scarf; and the unbuttoned blazer that was held lightly in his right hand, also thrown over his shoulder. After giving himself a once over in the mirror, Niou headed to his last class, smirking as he walked.

A few weeks later, Niou would be called out of practice to be introduced to his new doubles partner, Yagyuu Hiroshi.

A year later, Yagyuu will find out about this incident, and add it to his list, shaking his head while torn between anger and laughter.

* * *

**AN: So how was it? Was it good, smelly, bad, or surprisingly squishy? Erm the chapter I mean... :D Reviews are always welcome and so are cookies...yum cookies...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Niou is capable of growing a rat-tail.**

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**Beginning of Third Year**

* * *

"Niou, this is for your own good." Jackal said as he pushed the unwilling teen into the doctor's office. Outside, the rest of the Rikkaidai Tennis Team – minus Yukimura – waited nervously for the doctor's verdict.

"Do you think Niou's got some incurable disease?" Marui asked the group while chewing through his third pack of apple gum.

"The probability of that is 0.0000000001%; it is more likely that Niou has simply been infected with a horrible virus that may require the doctor to amputate one of his limbs." Yanagi explained, snapping his notebook shut.

"Is Niou-senpai going to die?!" Kirihara panicked beside Yagyuu who had remained silent throughout the whole ordeal.

"Since you spend the most time with Niou, do you have any new data you would like to share with us Yagyuu?" Yagyuu looked over at the sound of his name, but his eyes glided over the Data Master and focused back onto the office door when nothing more was said.

"I think he's gone into shock!" Marui observed while jabbing the Gentleman's cheek.

"Bunta, I don't think you should do that…"

"Relax Jackal; it's perfectly safe, see?" To illustrate his point, Marui pinched Yagyuu's cheek. CHOMP.

"Ah, he bit my f****** finger!" Marui screamed.

"Yagyuu-senpai's gone crazy!"

"I warned you Bunta."

"TARUNDORU!" Sanada roared as he slapped Marui and Kirihara. The group immediately fell silent when they witnessed the Vice-captain's rage. Kirihara scrambled back onto his seat, letting out occasional whimpers as he touched his swollen face. Marui had finally freed his finger and was nursing the teeth-marked digit along with his stinging cheek. Say what you want about Sanada, but he knew how to b****-slap. Hard.

"This is a great data…" Yanagi muttered quietly to himself in a corner, his hand flying across the page.

* * *

**Inside the Doctor's Office**

* * *

"So your Teammates are concerned about you, and they've asked me to give you a health exam." The doctor said, paging through Niou's health record. His eyes scanned the page with practiced precision.

"I have no idea what is going through their minds, I am perfectly normal!" Niou complained.

"Yes, but growing 12 inches of hair in a summer is actually very _not_ normal. Actually, your teammates should be worried." The doctor gestured towards Niou's signature rat-tail. "I'm sorry but I need to check to see if you might have a mild case of Hypertrichosis."

"Hypertr-what?"

"It means you might have a disease that causes you to grow excess hair…"

"Like on my eyes?"

"Sure, something like that."

"So what kind of tests do you need to do?"

"Just the usually stuff, blood work, MRI, CAT scan, might open you up and look at your liver." The doctor replied. He turned around and started to prepare the anesthetic. "I'm going to administer you with this powerful anesthetic. 15ccs of this stuff can knock down an elephant so I'm only going to give you like 50ccs give or take a few hundred. We don't want you waking up during the heart surgery."

"Where did you say you went to medical school?" Niou asked nervously as he stared at the huge needle in the Doctor's hand.

"I didn't." The Doctor smiled sinisterly.

* * *

**A Few Hours Later…**

* * *

"Should we go check on Niou-senpai?" Kiriahra asked, concerned for the Trickster.

"It has been a few hours…" Jackal added. Luckily, the team was saved from the traumatic experience of actually going into the office when Niou stepped out, relatively unharmed…relatively. He was just missing one important thing.

"That doctor f******* chopped off my rat tail!" Niou screamed angrily. "And I think he stole one of my kidneys…"

"Perhaps it wasn't wise to see a doctor behind a gas station…" Yanagi said helpfully.

* * *

**AN: So it's been a few days, and when I say days, I mean weeks. I feel like it's always a habit of mine. Post new story, then forget about it for a few weeks. I'm an asshole and a half...that's what I am. **

**mcangel1976: That's the whole point!^.^ Yay, you understand me. I think revenge is the more devious option for Yagyuu.**

**Crossroader32: Not illegal per se *shift eyes* but perhaps borderline. **

**demoncat13: The list is something from my other fanfic, Teaching Marui. It's basically a list that Yagyuu comprised after suffering through Niou's many antics...and it's titled What Niou is Capable of. Basically a collection of one shots. **

**JuniperGentle: I know Niou is basically capable of anything, but wouldn't it be fun to document some of these things? Thank you for the compliment. Here's hoping I don't mess it up! I'm afraid that the Principal will have gotten quite the beating once this fic is over. Perhaps he'll be left more emotionally scarred than when this whole thing started, only time will tell... **


	3. Chapter 3

**Niou is capable of organizing a play**

* * *

**Part One**

**Middle of Third Year**

* * *

"Gather round!" Yukimura shouted one faithful day during morning practice.

"What is it Seiichi? Did Niou bring a sloth onto campus again? NIOU!" Sanada shouted as he ran into the woods, searching for the teen.

"I assume this is about the fundraiser, Seiichi." Yanagi calmly said. "Should I go retrieve Genichirou before he intentionally mauls Niou?"

"That would be very kind of you."

* * *

"So as you all know, we are running low on funds for the tennis team." Yukimura started.

"I didn't know that!" Kirihara informed everyone, thank you Kirihara…

"Thank you for sharing that, Akaya." Yukimura smiled his 'you may be cute, but don't interrupt me again' smile. "Anyway, as I was saying. We are low on funds, so I've decided that we need a fundraising event, any suggestions?"

"How about a kissing booth?" Niou suggested with a sly smirk.

"Didn't you hear the captain? We NEED money. No one's going to _pay_ to kiss you." Marui said.

Kirihara raised his hand and waited patiently for Yukimura to call on him.

"Yes, Akaya?"

"If Niou-senpai is paid to kiss people, would _that _make him a prostitute?"

"No Kirihara, stop trying to find out what a prostitute is." Marui said.

"A talent show?" Jackal proposed.

"An intellectual debate on Human philosophy?" Yanagi injected.

"Can we have a petting zoo?" Kirihara asked excitedly.

"Kirihara-kun, do you understand what a fundraiser is?" Yagyuu questioned.

"I support Niou-kun's idea of a kissing booth. In fact, I think we should start organizing that now." Yagyuu said again. Hey, wait a minute…

"Niou! Stop impersonating Yagyuu. Ten laps around the court!" Sanada roared like a dinosaur.

"Fine." The fake Yagyuu muttered before taking off to do his laps…hopefully.

"I was thinking we could put on a play." Yukimura said.

"Seiichi, are you sure? You're not exactly the best at acting…" Sanada trailed off as Yukimura shot him his 'don't you dare finish that sentence' glare, patent pending.

"That's a great idea, Seiichi. What play were you thinking?" Yanagi said quickly, in the hopes of saving Sanada before his ass is handed back to him on a shiny silver platter.

"How about Romeo and Juliet?" Yukimura said with a sadistic gleam in his eyes.

"I call director!" Niou shouted from the other side of the court.

"...So was Juliet a prostitute?" Kirihara asked desperately.

And thus chaos ensued…

* * *

**AN: Hello peoplez. I'm back! Well to be fair, I never left. Anyway, this is one is going to be split into a few different parts. I'm not sure how many yet, since I still need to write them, but I would say at least three parts. But give me some feedback and tell me what you think. I have to say though, this isn't going to be pretty. Romeo and Juliet fans look away now! **

**Crossroader32: It is indeed a new one. But I thought it was a fitting reaction. DATA IS EVERYTHING! I don't think it was the first time Niou was accidentally sold...Gas stations doctors are a cheap and reliable way to get your kidney removed. Don't dis the GSDs...I just made that up. **

**Hey there: HIIIIIIII! :D And I totally agree, hit that button people. It up there...or down here. Never mind, don't listen to me, I'm just text on a screen. I'm not responsible for any of these character's actions. **

**mcangel1976: No...okay maybe yes. I just want to make friends. Damn, she's onto us, run Yagyuu! *Barrel rolls out of the room*Yay I make people happy! ^.^ I is happy also. **

**midnightstealth: You're welcome. :) BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!**


End file.
